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Brutal. An Assessment of the Current Squad

Brutal. An Assessment of the Current Squad

We're at the stage now where a major overhaul of the squad is required. That can't be done in one transfer window, or even two and we are also hindered by the fact that the likes of the Glazers and Ed Woodward hold the purse strings and are involved in the decision making. Nevertheless, it needs to be done. 

Which means the current squad needs assessing. Without bias or emotional attachment. A plain and simple review of ability, attitude and importance to United's climb back to the top. 

Who is going to do that? Well, we are. And we are seriously not pulling any punches. 


David de Gea

It's a no brainer. He's the best 'keeper in the world and he should be retained for as long as he is happy to stay - and paid whatever he asks for. The moment he expresses a desire to leave, however, then the job should be to get the highest possible fee for him. That he is still here is a miracle, really, and long may it continue.

Sergio Romero

As back up 'keepers go there can't be many better in the Premier League right now. He's top quality in my view and should be kept for as long as he is willing to stay. And if de Gea were to go, I'd be happy with him between the sticks.

Lee Grant

Yeah, what? Not sure how you ever got here or why you're still here, but you can go now, mate.

Joel Pereira

One for the future, perhaps, but will he stick around long enough? Three appearances so far, three clean sheets. Not a bad start, is it? 


We still have three keepers perfectly capable of playing for United as it stands. This is not an area we need to worry about at all. 


Victor Lindelof

After a dodgy start he's grown in confidence and performances and is probably our best defender. But he's far too inconsistent and prone to the odd horrendous mistake. Only 24 more games, more experience and we should see him become pretty solid, but it'll need to happen fast. Definitely one to keep.

Eric Bailly

Physically he's a beast but mentally he's a muppet. He's either outstanding or fucking appalling and you can't afford that in a defender at United. Unless he can sort himself out over the summer and learn to THINK he should be shipped out.

Phil Jones

God bless him. He tries so hard, he loves United and sometimes he can be brilliant. Unfortunately, that's not good enough and he needs to go find a new home. Everton would suit him perfectly. 

Chris Smalling

More talent than Phil Jones but more inconsistent than Lindelof. He's not good enough for a club the size of United with our aspirations and he's often found wanting. There's a lot of things to like about Mike but his football isn't often one of them. Off to Everton with Phil, mate.

Marcos Rojo

United's forgotten man. Injury has really buggered his United career and I can't say I've seen enough of him yet to make a solid judgement. At left back I don't like him at all. In the centre he's better, especially on the left of a back three. But that injury record...he's never going to be a certain starter is he? Back to South America more than likely.

Ashley Young

I love Ashley Young. I love his passion for the game and for our club. But age catches us all and it has caught him. You can't cut it anymore, Ash, time you realised that and left of your own accord, because, despite your shiny new contract, you'll be pushed next summer. The fact you're still here is either a case of misplaced loyalty or penny pinching.

Diogo Dalot

Like this lad a lot. Not sure he - or we - know his best position yet but he - and we - have time to find out. Certainly one to keep for a couple more seasons and see how he develops. And at least he can be exciting to watch. 

Luke Shaw

United;s stand out player this season and most improved too. Really, REALLY glad to see he's fought his way back from injury and in the face of tonnes of abuse (of which we played our part). Absolute cert to start every game and a top notch career ahead of him for United. Stays.

Tim Fosu-Mensah

Off out on loan. Bags of talent. Not likely to get much of a chance at the moment though. Worth keeping for another season but he's got to break into the first team on a consistent basis now. And it's not like the competition at the back is tough, is it...

Antonio Valencia

Like Young, Valencia's time is up and it looks like he'll be off in the summer. Which is good...he goes with my thanks and respect, that's for sure. 

Matteo Darmian

He's a funny one, is Matteo. He's done nothing to in a long time to suggest he deserves to stay at United but when he goes - and it is when - I have this fear he'll prove to be a top class full back. One of those we'll regret, probably, but he can't stay at the minute.

Alex Tuanzebe

In a similar position to Fosu-Mensah. In fact, just go read our view on him again...though I think Fosu-Mensah is the better player as it stands.


Well aware I just ripped United's defence apart and left us relying on kids and new signings. But that's not news is it?! Our defence has needed sorting out since Rio and Vidic left.


Paul Pogba

This guy does my head in. As a footballer you'd keep him all day long. But his reported attitude is just unacceptable. Torn between get rid quick, he IS toxic and beat that shit out of him and get him playing. Problem with the former is he'll go on and likely come back to haunt us, problem with the latter is you try that he'll only leave anyway. So yeah...more trouble than he's worth? Probably. 

Juan Mata

A genuine favourite of mine but he's lost his way somewhat in terms of porition and performance. Could be age catching up I guess. Should he go? Yeah, he probably should, though I'd be sad to see it. This is a sentiment-free assessment though, so let's have Juan for the road and then off with you. 

Jesse Lingard

He's underperforming at the minute and what he does off the pitch is utterly cringeworthy, which might make you think I want him to go. But I don't. Two reasons. First, he absolutely loves United and playing for us and he would, if asked, run through brick walls, I've no doubt. Secondly, and more importantly, he's the fucking clown to Marcus Rashford's footballer. That might sound like a bad thing, but it's not. With Lingard playing the fool off the pitch, it means Rash won't. And it's always good to have your best mate around. J-Lingz stays for me.

Andreas Pereira

He's done literally nothing to show me he's a United player. I don't know if it's because he's Brazilian or what, but this lad gets way to much credit when plays. He can go and I probably wouldn't even notice.


Became the player we should build our team around following a half decent performance against Barca the other night (at last if you believe Twitter!). Truth is, he is still finding his feet in English football but he CAN play. I reckon we should keep him for another season and see how he does. 

Ander Herrera

Doesn't really matter what I think, does it? He's off to PSG for more money. No big deal. He's a slightly above average water carrying midfielder who once did a job on the "Premier League's best player" Eden Hazard. We need better.

Nemanja Matic

José Mourinho's love child. That's the only explanation. In all fairness Matic does a very specific job. A bit like Fellaini used to. The only problem is Matic isn't doing his very well at the moment. He doesn't offer us anything great and losing him wouldn't be a blow. So on yer bike, Namanja.

Scott McTominay

Like Fred earlier, one decent performance against Barca does not a player make. However, McT is young and developing, where Fred is not. What I like about Scott is that if he's given a job he carries it out. To the letter. In the long run that might not be a good thing as it stifles creativity, but right now it's ideal. Definitely one to keep and play. 


I've trashed most of the midfield, I know. But while it isn't a terrible midfield, it isn't a world class midfield either. If we genuinely want to push for domestic and European honours it HAS to be improved at the expense of players we like. 


Alexis Sanchez

Just do one, you overpaid joke. You've got no commitment to improve, no drive to force your way onto the team sheet. You're a free loading laugh. GET OUT.

Romelu Lukaku

I genuinely have no problem with Rom. Sure, his first touch is dogshit and his decision making is questionable but his finishing is quality. IF he's happy to start on the bench or only play against the likes of Leicester then he's a great squad player to have. I'd keep him, though I know many wouldn't. A battering ram can be useful, that's all I'm saying. 

Marcus Rashford

Keep him, obviously. He has the potential to be our future and while he's off form at the minute I only see good things for him. As long as he continues to work on his game and listens, especially to Ole, he'll be great.

Anthony Martial

Finally, let's piss off the Martial fans. He's a pretender. He's fast, he can finish and for some, that's enough. Not for United it's not. If he went to France or Holland he'd probably be a legend, but here in England and in the top tier of European football he's nothing more than a rich man's Luke Chadwick. I'd move him on for a big fat fee and buy someone of actual quality instead.


Sticking up for Lukaku and trashing Martial...probably not the general consensus but if you remove sentiment that's where I ended up. All hopes lie with Marcus, really, and in getting in someone to partner him to full advantage.

Huge Ask

Solskjaer has a lot to do and it is a lot to ask of a relatively inexperienced manager. But if he's given time and money and is left to do what he thinks is right then over the course of two or three seasons I genuinely think he'll turn us around. 

Right now we're punching above our weight in Europe and are probably at our level in the league. It's uncomfortable to say that...but if you take the blinkers off, remove the red tinted glasses, I don't think you can deny it. 

Your thoughts?